The man behind a witty scam was punished today when he stepped into an empire state building elevator with one of his co-horts. This time was only to scare the bejezzus out of him, next time we won't apply the brakes!

The man who drives this van, was able to use its obnoxiousness to pick up a singal from the mars polar lander! Woo! The signal's contents included the now illegal to view online DeCSS source code (print it while you still can!).

Heh... go visit DarkHorizons today... they have a top 10 films to lookout for list that is quite interesting.. worth a quick scan... oh yeah, what the hell is this!?... until next time..

Is this page not loading fast enough for you? It may be because the Internet is well.. uhm.. crowded. Having problems explaining why your kids have to stay in the bunker you currently are reading this website from? Wy Too Kie will help. Hackers get play too!, mabye they used some of these. Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking get stoned (scroll down) and decide to crash a post golden globes gala and cause a riot. Blind yourself with 2001 compressed to 1 pixel (seriously), or perhaps some kiTTy porn... and if you see this guy running you know what to do.

Until next time...

Hello and welcome to your edition of Walter's Weblog.. I've got one hundred and TWO Dalmations baby, but first headlines!

Microsoft forgot to pay their HOTMAIL.COM domain name registration! Fortunatly, an on the ball /.'er payed the registration fee, and Microsoft consequently sent him a check for $500, that he is now auctining on E-bay and the high bid is now $5000. What sick man would actually pay $5000 to own a $500 check from Microsoft?! Only one man would dare do such a thing.. Mahir!.

Scientists have concluded through an exteremely scientific study that dumb people really are dumb! I wonder who voluntered for such an important and yet so dangerous scientific study! Only one man would dare do such a thing.. Mahir!

/. reports that there are over 1 billion indexible web pages. Mostly made up of Mahir fan pages.

And painfully I must admit that I missed the new NIN video, Into The Void. Haven't seen it yet, but I hear its got extreme closeups of Trent and that Mahir is a co-star.

Until next time...

Sadie and I wen't to Universal Studios: Island of Adventures!... too bad we didn't know the risks.. we consider ourselves lucky... I got a Palm Pilot, and holy shit its bad ass.. I'm taking 4 exciting classes: Business Statistics, Business Law, Business Finance and COBOL. AOL+TW.. holy shit.. Welcome, You've Got Ted Turner!... Yahoo+NWS!!... mebbe... I will be up to my usual underground news stuff next time... but I figured I'd drop a line atleast... ahh well later

Monica Lewinsky got her chance to say "FUCK YOU" to Linda Tripp (hell yeah), Special Lenses have been approved by the FDA to fix color blindness, KINGSTON Memory is raving over an announcement by Microsoft saying that 128mb of ram is the minimum requirement for WIN2K, and the Department of Justice is looking into whether or not MTV is evil and abuses its monopoly not unlike that other M company. There will not be a news update till late tommorow night if the shuttle launches, otherwise your just gonna have to wait till Saturday night! :) Hehehe... have fun!

This page is so damn long... so long in fact that it takes some readers a few seconds to load up the entire text-only page! When I discovered this terrible fact, I immediately bought a company called Media Fusion and ordered them to fix the problem! Well they got right to work and created an ultra fast power-line based 2.5GB/Second internet access device! So just shut the hell up about the pages length, its because of lazy people like me who don't feel like creating an archive system to shorten the page, that technology like the powerline-modem gets created! Exclamation marks suck!

Yah, this one comes as a huge surprise, of all the states, Alabama is the most behind in its (amongst other things....) Y2K readiness caused by misunderstanding what Y2K really stood for. One Alabaman said quote "We just thought it was a KIA commercial." Doh! I hope that their SEC trophy case room isn't Y2K compatible...heh heh heh...

NASA is going to use its MARS Global Surveyor to look for the lost MARS Polar Lander while I use my fricking magnifying glass to try to find their brains. Sheesh to think that I'll be there tommorow night watching the shuttle lift off...

Ack! It was a pretty quiet day today... as usual, the links are real but the connections are not.. may god help you if you go to the Stile Project today. :P

Good morning, my name is Walter, this is your Daily Show and I'm not wearing any underwear, more on that later.. but first, Headlines!

One of the masterminds behind the video game Tomb Raider has been arrested after contacting an under cover policeman and asking for a 9 year old girl to have sex with an unnamed third party. This reporter is shocked to learn that the people behind Lara Croft are sexual deviants of any kind, and frankly I don't believe the charges!

George W. Bush has spoke out on a ban on smoking at the white house saying it would "no longer be a no-smoking zone," adding "Its OK if they smoke, as long as they don't inhale (all of my coke stash)."

A Scientific Breakthrough, where a common house cat gave birth to an African wild-cat has bumped up the release date of the new Flinstones Movie "Viva rock vegas." The producers of the movie said quote "If its possible for a common house cat to give birth to an African wild-cat, we can cut our special effects budget in half and have real dinosaurs instead of puppets or CG (by using the same techology)." Come on folks, we've seen that movie before!! We all know what happens when you take a million year old species and resurrect it (insert scary music here) I mean, c'mon, the horrors of Encino Man still haunt us to this day! Haven't they learned- Pauly Shore is a dangerous animal and is extinct for a reason!

In the realm of Scientific Breakthroughs, it was announced yesterday that you can now download a program for free that will track your menstration period and let you know when you can get pregnant, when you will be menstration free.. and when you will be just plain bitchy.

Thanks for tuning in, my name is Walter and this has been your Daily Show... and now, your moment of zen...

After my hard hitting article on Clinton's robot replacement, Congress has decided to audit the whitehouse to make sure that nothing else went missing (besides the president). Also, congress decided to do was to force the prez to wear the life shirt, a device that when worn transmits vital stats to your health care provider (and also your location!) so that they can monitor your health (and what your doing!) and therefore monitor your safety. Congress feels this should deter Clinton from using the FUFME, Clinton's KILLER APP for the Internet. The idea of Clinton using a FUFME has shocked the writers of the TV show BUFFY to the point that they are speechless, inspiring a new episode that is almost nearly without dialogue!

As usual, the links are real, but the way I connect them together isn't... if you really want to be entertained checkout SUCK as they have a hilarious parody of /., take a look at New Grounds, a site that has a ton of awesome ShockWave stuff, or checkin with Sluggy Freelance and User Friendly as the 2 most popular internet comics finally get together and do a tie in! Thats the news and I'm out like buttah... beooootttcccch

We will begin by examining the implications of Clinton leaving his office for a few months. Well, first off, I can predict that when the leader of the world (or something) leaves and is replaced by a robot- that the world kinda starts acting funny. The world gets warped...Blind people start robbing banks, the russians get so warped they decide to sell one of their submarines and actaully decreas their threat to America, the internet gets so warped that it actually creates the last page on The Internet, Freddy vs. Jason is actually confirmed by Robert Englund, etc!

Now, you may not be persuaded by all these strange happenings, but I realized it had to be real when the robot started telling a story wrong, and Clinton had to come back in a haste before he could get rid of the PINK EYE that he had gotten from watching those Columbine video tapes so often!!! I dare you to try to say that all of this is some kind of thing I made up for my entertainment... but then you would be right or something.

TIME MAG BOMBSHELL: COLUMBINE KILLERS HOME VIDEOS REVEALED, TELL WHY THEY DID IT!

"I hope we kill 250 of you," Columbine High killer Dylan Klebold says excitedly on a secret home video viewed by TIME Magazine. "It's going to be like f__ Doom," Eric Harris says. "Tick. Tick. Tick. Haaa!... That f___ shotgun is straight out of Doom!"

According to publishing sources, TIME magazine is set to unleash an exclusive 20-page special report on over 5 hours of home videos, made by the two killers, in their parents' basement.

SICK TWISTS IN THE NEWS

Well, another insane chain of events has occured starting right here in the US and well... not really leaving it either: A story that ran on /. that linked to a WiRED article about a very frustrating thing that occured to an MBA student. Apparently he spent $200,000 to buy a domain from someone, and during the transfer, the fricking NSI forgot to specify that the domain was NOT for sale, and someone BOUGHT IT OUT FROM UNDER HIS ASS... the person who he bought the domain name from was released from liability because he only had to transfer it back to NSI, and NSI says that they are not responsible for botched paperwork. The person who bought it away from him wants now half a million for the domain name. The MBA student got SO pissed off that he drove over to the person who bought the domain name (for a cool $150 bux) and MICROWAVED HIS PET PARROT!! Strangely enough, the parrot was named Iago after the parrot with the same name in Aladdin whose voice was done by... Gilbert Gottfried. I can imagine the sound effects now, voice done by Gilbert of course...

-Click-
(muffled)Squawk?
-Whir-
(muffled)Now howza about this for getting fucked over!?
-Whirrr-
(muffled)Wow, this little spinning dish thing is cool
-SPLAT-
-DING!-

I swear to god, some of the links in that last paragraph fell off the planet today, like that russia nuke missle movement thing and that Hillary 1000% thing (What was that again? Oh yeah, whitewater)... but the Pokemon link is not included for courtesy purposes of course. And if you think *I'm* fucked up... you should see the latest crap thats up on Stile Project... *big shiver* Midgets with huge horse teeth.. god... and R33T comes in a close second place with a video of a guy getting kicked down bleachers.. Now personally I swear this website will never turn into a freakshow.. but I just wanted to point out that.. I'M NOT THE SICK ONE HERE, THOSE BITCHES AT R33T AND STILE ARE. Thank you for visiting!!
May god help you if you actually think any of these events are connected in any way

It turns out that Gorbachev's Speech here at UF wasn't interesting enough for students so half the crowd just got up and left 15 minutes into the speech! The rucus was so bad that it caused Gorby to actually promise the crowd that hid come to his conclusion quickly, and the sudden movement of 500 brainless students caused earth tremblencas that revealed a cat that had been trapped for nearly 80 days in TAIWAN that survived by quote:

"...eating another cat, veterinarian Chen Tao-chieh said. The head, tail, bones and bits of fur from the second feline were found next to the survivor, Chen said. "

TV>> hopefully, semi-reverential pomp rock tribute QUEEN FOR A NIGHT (Sat, from 21:00, C4) will cover the peculiar coincidence of Freddie Mercury dying at the same time as the UK release of Nightmare On Elm Street VI, resulting in cinemas across the country displaying celebratory "Freddie's Dead" posters (and who would have won that epic "Battle of the Dead Freddies", we wonder?)

From the "Oh I bet it sucks to loose all that money when its on credit" department, /. reports that a man is suing his credit card companies for egging him on in online gambling. Also /. has a great story on watermarks embedded in printed/copied/scanned items so that people can fight counterfieting... well it goes well beyond that! Just read the article, then get way scared. The Washington Post has this story about a chip that may help restore vision! Wow. How about the civil jury finding about MLK's death, saying that it was a vast conspiracy and not just the actions of a lone gunman. The story of a 9 year old Tennesee boy that lived with the dead corpse of his mother for a month appeared not just on the nasty snuff sites like Stile Project and the not so nasty but still very sensationalistic sites like Drudge Report but also on CNN. Hrm. How about them apples? SPIN Magazine reports on a movie made on the QUAKE engine. Jim Carrey freaked out at a recent press conference and holy shit, Sigourney Weaver looks incredibly unlike Sigourney Weaver in this publicity shot for the movie Galaxy Quest courtesy of Dark Horizons. And there is a new Meathead Perspective out (which I recommend you read if you only read one thing on this roundup). Plenty of stuff to read!... but if you really don't care for news..

How about some crazy ass websites that probably contain some of the most disgusting videos I've never seen.. I didn't watch any of em.. they are just so disgusting the screen shots do them plenty of justice.. R33T DOT ORG is a hilarious site if you just go there for the commentary.. watchout for the vides though.. The Stile Project is probably one of the most shocking websites I've ever seen.. checkout the video archive.. and be disgusted.. Anyways I'm outtie.. till next time

:Begin old lost shit:

Ahh, its X+AM time... I just wrote a paper on the Neutrino Problem.. still have a large Programming Assignment due.. Got some fun pictures for you to look at that Sadie's Uncle Aaron took while Sadie and I visited "the Fecther clan" in o-town.

I promise this will never happen again.. heh.. I've got some FUCKED UP SHIT for you to look at tonight.. in the first edition of.. WHAT THE FUCK.. etc..

A 3 year old girl was nabbed for selling drugs weird stuff.. Forbes has named LEGOS Toy of the Century and you can now VOTE ONLINE if your a democrat in the Arizona democractic primaries.

I promise that I'll start backing this thing up :P.. If your really bored take a look at my old homepage, The Big Book of Fun Online. Enjoy!

UPDATE:That link to the 3 year old drug seller thing has disappeared off the face of every source I had! The short of it was that it was in the UK, and that the 3 year old basically would talk to buyers at the window of a home, and would go take money back to her mom and then bring the drugs back.. this is similar to a time a few months ago involving a monkey that took the money and moved the drugs back.. anyways sorry you missed that story it was tres bizzare...

NSI - AN APOLOGY. In last week's NTK, we apologised for an article which have suggested that NSI's modification to the whois registry (to show registrars, not actual, useful, contact addresses) might break existing whois utilities. NSI protested that it wasn't their fault, and they were maintaining an old-style system at whois.networksolutions.com, which any sensible sysadmin could easily switch to. On the day of the switchover, NSI's own Web registration system broke. They were pointing to the wrong server. NTK would like to apologise for the apology. Sorry.

UPDATE:While comming back from procrastinating marketing, I heard on ROCK 104 an advertisement for the UF bookstores, talking about "Are you ready for Y2K, will you have enough cash on hand?! Come by the UF bookstores for BOOK BUYBACK and get extra cash to hide under your matress" etc etc.. anyways that was so pathetic that I actually had to let you know about it.. or something

Tuesday, November 30th

TIME [17:48]
Wow, its been a long time and sooo much has happend.. Why did I choose to update now? Well, a slew of amazing articles and life experiences dealing with time have caused me to do this update strictly around TIME. First up is a link from the drudge report about something called the CASH Box that compresses live radio shows so they can have more TIME for commercials but the catch is the hosts of the shows don't know its going on! Next up is the latest theory on Dark Matter, from /. Dark matter- the literary device that Scientists bust out to fill in the blanks as to why the masses of galaxies appear to be much much larger than the detected visual components of said galaxies. This theory says that in the far future when the Universe starts shrinking (Called The Big Crunch), that the chaos from the compression of all the matter in the universe is so much that there "reverse time" areas are created, basically regions of the universe where time runs backwards. Dark Matter is then explained by saying that it is simply stars that have burned out from the far future that have not yet been reignited. I say- how is it that we don't notice stars "turning themselves on" due to their reverse time area locations? They say, well, dark matter could be normal matter colliding with reverse time areas, and loosing their time direction... oh well its weird but read the article it'll make you say hmm! In other news, I'm packed with studying for exams, and flying to visit Sadie... whee, I promise I'll have some exiciting pictures scanned from the visit on here later.. anyways hope you enjoyed this TIMELY update :) -W

Monday, October 25th

Mondays... [13:26]
So, I called GRU to setup Electicity for my apartment, because on the 1st the guy whose name the electricity is in, is moving out...much to my surprise they took down my info and reported back to me that I didn't need any security deposit, and that it would only cost $15 to setup!! We'll see if Bell South treats me the same way :). Its official, now I can bring a copy of my electric bill to the health clinic and say "I'm a resident, bitch." Etc. Buchanan jumped ship officially... looks like we may get a democrat in the white house for another 4 years.. interesting, no? Also, check out the image of the day over at Shugashack... Also, The NIN Hotline reports that there is a book out full of pictures, most of which are used on the Fragile, whether in the booklet or on the cover.. I would like to see more pictures like the ones featured in The Fragile, wouldn't you? User Friendly has a great comic today, as it continues to trace the path of "The Hobbit," today they make a classic reference to Gauntlet. Everything else is kosher, I got a test in Mangerial Accounting this thursday.. after which I will most likely go to see Kimball Collins at Fire Stone in Orlando. FOR FREE :). Anyways, I got to get outta here and go to class in 10 minutes... shouldn't you be doing something productive as well?! :)

Sunday, October 24th

Bleck [15:56]
Well, the art show was cool, too bad some of the people I was with didn't think so, so we left early.. Ahh well, here's the first entry, a Drudge Report email about the largest television show ever.. Interested? Clickit

Saturday, October 23rd

Art Show [22:17]
Yeah, so I'm going out to this art show and stuff.. should be fun.. I studied like a maniac though to "earn this" so it better be good.. and no I'm not just putting this in to have an update for today.. I swear.. But what I really want to know is, what is in store for you, the non existant viewer?

Well, I plan on polishing up this interface alot first off, and including my daily essentials right on the page. What will you see here? Typical weblog stuff- whatever I thought was cool that day, if there was anything cool that day.. ahh well. You know what you should do if your bored? Go through Scary's Shuga Shack's Wack Ass Links archive.. I think you will be pleasently surprised.. when will you see changes?? Every day.. hopefully. I mean, I'm busy, but not too busy for you, the non-existant user. Allright then, I'm gonna start putting on different outfits and figure out what I'm gonna wear and stuff, you better get your ass in gear too... heh

Friday, October 22nd

Meanwhile [20:37]
Why don't you look at my list of daily essentials...

Welcome [18:08]
I swear there will be more here later..